This must be that “Mid Twenties” crisis that everyone talks about. You know, the one where you struggle to figure out your purpose in life. Finding my passion has been one of the hardest, most frustrating things I’ve ever done. When you’re creative, like me, everything interest you but nothing holds you.
I often pondered the idea of what life would be like as my own boss. My fear, comfort and upbringing kept me stuck at an office job that I hated. I was raised to believe you find an entry level position with a “good company” (as if those exist anymore) and you work your way up. One day, you’ll retire with a solid pension and 401(k). That’s the only way to make a living and survive in this world. I found myself constantly having to explain to my family things don’t work like that anymore. These corporations couldn’t care any less about the low level employees and regularly remind you that you can be replaced.
The steady paychecks gave me comfort and stability. Everything was lovely! I could afford to travel with friends and buy pretty much anything I wanted. I had the ultimate safe life. The one all twenty somethings dream of. All I had to do was continue to give 8 hours a day, 5 days a week to maintain this lifestyle. Which I did until the routine job began to drain me. I decided it was time to try something new. Playing it safe wasn’t working for me anymore. All I had to look forward to was the dollar raise the company was so generous to give me once a year.
I had a few friends who quit their jobs and went into business for themselves. I watched as they worked long hours and struggled financially. It didn’t look glamorous at all but they were so much happier compared to when they worked a 9-5. I wasn’t even sure what I would pursue if I was to leave my job. The only thing I was passionate about was happy hours and catching H&M sales. I started to feel like something was wrong with me. How is it that I made it to the age of 25 and had no idea what I actually enjoyed doing?
I started stepping out of my comfort zone. I quickly learned that I lacked consistency but was very open minded. I’m willing to try almost anything once but won’t stick with it for long. I dive in, learn the basics of a topic then lose interest. Just within this past year I was a yogi, a painter, a real estate agent, flight attendant, and an interior decorator. I was convinced at least one of them would turn into a passion and ultimately a career. I became the person that knew a little about everything but never invested enough time to master anything.
Eventually, the journey became less about the job and more about me. All I wanted to do was spend time alone and work on becoming this refined, polished version of myself. I’m here to report to you today that I still don’t know what the hell I want to do for work. However, I’m more myself than I’ve ever been.
I have a much deeper understanding of what I don’t like and will not tolerate. I went from trying to discover a passion that would lead to a career, to finding myself. There’s nothing more satisfying than watching yourself grow a little more everyday. I’m an ever changing woman that wants all life has to offer. My purpose is to live and inspire others to do the same. Not everyone’s passion is as clear cut as a teacher, doctor, or lawyer. Some of us are fiercely passionate about living a fulfilling life and that’s okay.
The marathon continues…